“Am I My Father’s Keeper?” Is the “missing dad” a myth or fact?
Growing up in a single parent household, I have some great memories but the hard times still haunt me as a young woman. While I’m so grateful to have always felt my mom’s love (it came automatically, like breathing), I wonder how I would’ve turned out waking up every day not having to guess if my dad cared. While mom was there, being the superhero that she was, making a way out of no way, dad was off living his best life.
I used to think “dad” being separate from the household was a universal acceptance. Most of my friends didn’t live with their dads growing up, and in an away I accepted that as the norm.
I realize, I’m a woman now, but that emptiness of a missing parent has impacted me. I tried to suppress those hurt feelings about not having my dad consistently in my life, a common issue within black America.
Even (former) President Barack Obama got on television and made the infamous bold statement on father’s day in Chi-town back in 2008: “They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.”He also said that more than half of all black children are living in a household where only one parent is present.
I thought, yikes, I guess wasn’t as alone as I thought.
So, let’s fast forward (ten years later) and examine how the statement which was once facts, has turned into a white lie.
According to the CDC, since 2015 until now, dads have been around: “67 percent of black dads who don’t live with their kids STILL see them at least once a month, compared to 59 percent of white dads and just 32 percent of Hispanic dads.” So…dad where you at?
I contributed some of my failed relationships and even heartbreak I’ve experienced to the fact that I didn’t have a close relationship my dad growing up and now as a young woman I feel like, emotionally, I’m all over the place.
Even with having an opportunity to talk to my dad about my hurt didn’t heal me. I always thought to have the chance to express myself and face my issues with his head on were the answer, but nothing’s changed.
Unfortunately talking to him was just that, a conversation. The “talk” I, as a daughter, had to have with my father about his absence reminded me of a typical conversation would go with any other guy. Bullshit.
The mature part of me is saying do everything you can to repair whats broken. I think “you’re only getting older, and you may regret it one day.” The other side is screaming “protect your peace” and don’t keep setting yourself up to get disappointed and hurt.
It really blows my mind when I think of how responsible I feel for our broken relationship and the obligation to maintain this relationship (although I’m no one’s parent).
I want to break this cycle and snap out of this funk I’m in but, am I my father’s keeper?
Now, I understand my story isn’t EVERYONE’S story. The post below gave me so much LIFE!
We need to see more healthy daddy-daughter relationships. So tag your dads using #YLPblog & #YLPlove to help us continue to break up the negative stereotypes!
This is so beautiful 😍 😍 it makes me happy to see women with their fathers, breaking the negative stereotypes ❤️ Am I My Father’s Keeper #YLPblog #Repost @jenajanse with @get_repost
“When people ask me “do white men treat us better than black men?” I have to remind them that the notion is not only untrue, but it is offensive to the amazing black men that raised us. The handsome guy in this photo is my father and my first example of love. He is the reason I believe in love because of the love he displayed in our home and the way he treated my mom. He is also the reason my standards have always been so high. When I was a kid, I always said I wanted to marry a man just like my Dad and that’s exactly what God gave me. The irony is that he is white but they have the exact same personality and characteristics. Let’s put an end racial stereotypes. Good men come in all colors. One race is no better than the other.”